Lay It All Out In The Open
by Kira Pheonix
Summary: “ But I can’t do it, Sammy…” Sam clenched his jaws and looked down. The ache in his chest increased tenfold and he fought the sudden burning behind his eyes. WINCEST


Disclaimer: The characters belong to Kripke. I'm just doing this for fun.

Genre: Angst ( Mostly from Sam), Wincest, Romance

Italics: Sam's thoughts

Summary: " But I can't do it, Sammy…" Sam clenched his jaws and looked down. The ache in his chest increased tenfold and he fought the sudden burning behind his eyes. He expected this but it still hurt like hell. He knew there was no way Dean would agree to this. He was right. It's too fucked up. WINCEST.

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He would rather face vampires and werewolves than be trapped in this room. Somehow, it was less terrifying than having to face Dean. Dean, who was just standing there, doing nothing. Not saying a single word but instead apparently opted to freak Sam out by just staring at him like he was some kind of lab rat.

Sam was seriously considering jumping out the window. In fact, he'd mentally calculated the distance he'd need to cover. It really wasn't all that far and sure, he might have some bruises but he's had worse that that before, he thought to himself as he eyed the window. He'd been sitting on the bed for what seems like hours, waiting for Dean to just _do_ something and the window was seriously looking inviting. He glanced at it again.

"Don't even think about it."

Startled, Sam looked up at his brother. Dean's arms were crossed but his stance was relaxed. He leaned against the door, effectively blocking Sam from it. His voice was tinged with amusement but Sam noticed, his eyes were hard and serious. He forced the need to gulp and quickly looked down again.

_Well, there goes my last way of escaping._

Then there was silence again. Seriously, was Dean going to say anything at all? Cause the silence was killing Sam. One of them has got to start talking and it looks like Sam's the lucky winner.

He wringed his hands and tried to pluck what's left of his courage to get through this.

_Here goes nothing._

"What do you want me to do, Dean?" he finally said. He kept his eyes on the floor, intensely aware of his brother's gaze on him. "What do you want me to say? I can't change what happened," he took a deep breathe, "I don't think I want to."

There it was.

The truth.

He's been holding this in for too long and he couldn't deny the relief it brought at finally acknowledging it aloud. It's sick and twisted but then again, Sam's whole life has never been normal or by the books. It's been a few crappy years and he was just too tired for anymore pretenses and lies.

Sam held his breath and waited for it to sink in for his brother. Dean's not stupid. He's gonna figure it out.

Sam kissing him a hour ago probably gave him a clue or two too.

This is the part where Dean either runs like hell or beat the crap out of Sam.

He heard Dean let out a shaky breath and Sam couldn't help but wince inwardly. He waited for it.

"How long?" Dean's voice was quiet but firm. A simple questions with so many repercussions. Sam didn't dare look up especially since he knew what Dean was asking.

He struggled to find the right words. " I don't know, a few weeks, months, years." Sam shrugged. _"_ Sometimes it feels like forever."

_I've been in love with you since forever._

There was no turning back after this, at least not for Sam. He's in far too deep in to pull away. The sad part is, he doesn't want to. It's pathetic and cheesy and corny but he's been through _everything_ with Dean. Dean's the one constant he's had all his life and Sam couldn't deny the power his brother had over him. It scares him sometimes how willing and eager he'd give up everything for Dean if he just _asked_.

He would have stayed and not gone to Stanford if Dean just asked. He would've torn the bus ticket if Dean had just said those words. _Stay with me. Don't go_. He'd wanted normal more than anything but when it comes to Dean, nothing else matters more. He remembered how he used to lay awake some nights and just wished Dean would call and tell him to come back, shown some sort of sign that he was just as miserable as he was, that he wanted Sam back. He actually didn't unpack the first few weeks at Stanford, eyes always seeking out a black car and its driver who means everything to Sam. He'd find himself at nearby bars just to try and catch a glimpse familiar of leather jacket and cocky smirk. After two months though, he was forced to accept that Dean wasn't coming.

And now he's got Dean back, only having to lose him all over again.

It was a long time coming, honestly, where they are right now. He knew this would happen one day. Unfortunately, that day is today. And Dean, Sam's seen the way he looks at him sometimes, when he thinks it's unnoticed. The glances that's far too heated and deep to be just brotherly. He'd felt those almost unintentional and lingering touches, the way Dean would sometimes stare at his lips as he spoke, the way he'd get uncomfortable when Sam's half-naked too long, the way his eyes go dark and lips thin as random women or men hit on Sam.

Sam noticed it all. Of course, in true Winchester style, they ignore it.

Until now.

Until Sam suddenly couldn't control his urges and kissed his brother out of the blue as they were fighting over the tv remote. Dean practically shoved Sam off of him, gaping at his younger brother. Horrified and embarrassed by what he'd done, Sam rushed to the door but was stopped when Dean caught him by the back of his shirt and pulled him back. Dean ordered him to sit and nearly an hour later, here they were, apparently trying to _talk_ it out.

There was a long pregnant pause as he waited for Dean to say something. Things became quiet again, too quiet for Sam as he fidgeted and chewed on his lips. It could have been minutes or maybe days of silence before Dean _finally_ spoke.

" You mean everything to me, Sammy, you know that right?"

Sam could have snapped his neck from the speed his neck snapped up to stare at his brother.

_Well, that's unexpected._

Dean was leaning against the wall as he stared openly at Sam sitting on the bed. His eyes were guarded, filled with emotions Sam wasn't familiar with. Sam searched his face for any hint of joke or teasing. There wasn't a hint of smirk or smile on his handsome face as he stood there. He was completely serious.

This could end badly. Either Dean said that to lessen the blow of rejecting him or it was a step closer to confessing the same feelings Sam had for his brother. Right now though, judging from Dean's unreadable face, it was leaning towards the former.

Sam couldn't deny the sharp pain the thought brought him. He looked away.

_Maybe it won't be so bad_. He thought, trying to to convince himself, forgetting for a while that he was being observed. _We'll just pretend nothing happened. That I didn't kiss him and he didn't kiss back. Everything will go back to normal._ Sam swallowed hard._ I can do that. I can forget if that's what Dean wants._

He sighed quietly and absentmindedly rubbed his chest, wishing the ache he'd been feeling the last couple of days would go away.

"Sammy?"

That was when Sam realized that Dean was still waiting for his answer. He turned back towards his brother and, despite the heartache, had to stop a smile from forming when he saw his brother staring at him in concern. He could almost feel the worry and apprehension coming off in waves from his brother.

Some things never change.

_My protector_. He thought fondly.

Dean cleared his throat. " You didn't answer my question."

"What? Oh, uh," Sam stammered, too surprised by the unexpected reply to think of a better answer.

Dean scowled, pushed himself off the wall and swallowed. " Damnit, Sammy, you're my baby brother. I've protected you my whole life. I practically raised you, for crying out loud! I watched you grow, and I watched you leave." Dean broke off, voice cracking." Then you came back and you were different. Older and more independent but you still needed me. You needed me to watch out for you and make sure you're safe."

Sam didn't dare make a sound. He could only stare as his usually not-into-emotions older brother paced the room.

" So I do that. Cus that's what I do, ya know? That's what I'm good at. But then there's this thing that keeps coming between us." He pointed between them. " And I try to ignore it but it just won't go away!" He growled and raked a hand through his hair. He finally stopped pacing and faced Sam. "You're my brother, Sam," Dean repeated, voice filled with emotion and so much confusion Sam just wanted to wrap his arms around him. " But sometimes, you mean so much more to me that I think I'm the one you need protection from."

Sam's mouth dropped open at his brother's admission. He was torn between jumping up and down like a maniac because Dean's admitted his feeling or punching his brother for thinking that way. How could Dean say that? Anger rushed through him like a tidal wave.

He raised an arm to stop Sam as he started to speak in outrage.

" Just listen, alright?" Dean pleaded.

Clenching his jaws and glaring at his stupid brother, Sam nodded. He forced himself to relax.

Dean took a deep breath and ran a hand over his face. " You mean everything to me, Sam." He repeated. " Nothing comes first but you. I.." He broke off. " I've been ignoring this for a while now because I couldn't risk it. It's not right. This is fucked up, even for us!" Dean let out an almost hysterical laugh, arms waving around in the air. " I'm not supposed to want you like that! I'm not supposed to want to kiss you and touch you and…" he trailed off, leaving the sentence hanging.

He cleared his throat. He whispered, " Then you kissed me. You kissed me and I realized that maybe I'm not the only one with this.." Dean made a face, " ..feelings, that maybe you want me too, ya know?" He said breathlessly, looking at his shell-shocked brother.

Sam could hardly believe his ears. Never in a million years did he ever think he'd hear this from Dean. His stomach stirred and it felt like butterflies everywhere. He didn't want to raise his hope too high, but this sounded pretty much like a love confession, as girly as it sounds. Still, he could sense there was a 'but' somewhere around.

It turned out he was right.

" But I can't do it, Sammy…"

Sam clenched his jaws and looked down. The ache in his chest increased tenfold and he fought the sudden burning behind his eyes. He expected this but it still hurt like hell. He knew there was no way Dean would agree to this. He was right. It's too fucked up.

"…unless it's going to be permanent."

It was mistake, ever hoping that Dean could possibly want this as much as he does and- wait what?

" What?" Sam breathed, eyes wider than ever as he gaped at his brother. He blinked rapidly in surprise.

He watched numbly as Dean moved from his spot and started forward. He barely registered that Dean had grasped both his hands, mind too shock at the sudden twist of revelation. A hand cupped Sam's face and he was forced to look into green eyes. Dean kneeled in front of him, their almost same height now making it easier for their eyes to meet.

"Do you really want this?" Dean asked, voice deliciously husky and deep, smooth like velvet. Sam found himself unable to look away. His breath caught. Was Dean asking what he thought he was?

"Do you want this, Sam?" Dean repeated. "Because if you do, there's no turning back. We can't go back to just being brothers again. It can't just be about sex or experimenting or..or just having fun." Dean shook his head. " Not with _you_. It doesn't work like that. We do this, Sammy, you're it for me. There's no one else." Dean chuckled at Sam's wide eyes before sobering. " I mean it, no more chicks, no more deliberate flirting. I..I can't promise I won't fuck up but I swear I'll try, Sammy." He broke off. There was a hint of vulnerability on Dean's smooth face and Sam couldn't help tightening the grip on him in hopes of easing his pain. From the soft smile Dean sent his way, it didn't go unnoticed. "We do this, and I'll give you everything you want. I give you everything I have." Dean breathed in. " I'm yours. You're the one I go home to at the end of the day. Though," Dean's thumb caressed Sam's cheek, " it's always been that way, hasn't it?" he asked softly. If Sam doesn't know his brother so well, he would've have missed the way Dean's voice trembled at the end of that sentence.

Sam's breath caught. He realized how hard it was for Dean to bear his soul like that and that just made something in him swell. He didn't realize it was possible to love someone so hard it _hurts_. He opened his mouth to speak but closed them again. He couldn't find the words to express exactly what he was feeling. There was too many emotions running through him and if he was being honest, he had a feeling if he actually tried to speak, he'd only end up bawling his eyes out. Instead, he let actions take over.

Leaning forward, he gently kissed his brother, pouring all the love and trust and relief and acceptance into it. There was no tongue involved, just lips to lips as Sam willed Dean to understand what he was trying to say. Dean's lips moved against him as they kissed over and over again. After a moment, he pulled back. Dean's eyes were still closed and he watched as they slowly flickered open before locking on to him. He didn't know how long they spent just staring at each other but he definitely noticed when Dean's eyes suddenly darkened.

Never once did his hand release Sam's face and he vaguely realized that he was leaning towards his older brother's touch.

"This also means" Dean continued gruffly, his voice taken a darker tone, a more, dare Sam say it, _possessive _edge. " that you are mine. No one else gets to have you. All of it is for me and me alone. You belong to me. Everything you want, everything you need, I'm the one you come to. I'm the only one you're _ever_ gonna need."

Sam couldn't suppress a shiver at those words. His pulse raced and a shot of arousal passed through him. Dean getting all cave man on him was just too hot.

"Anyone even go near you the wrong way, I won't be held responsible for my actions." Dean growled. " Is that clear?"

Sam was unable to stop himself from grinning widely. He let out a laugh and threw himself at his brother, sending the both sprawling on the floor. Dean let out a wheeze as the wind was knocked out of him. Quickly straddling Dean, he placed his legs at the side of Dean's hips and shivered pleasantly as Dean's hands automatically reached up to grip Sam's waist.

_"_ What are you_- "_

He grasped the back of Dean's head with both hands and pulled him forward until their mouths connected. Dean stiffened in surprise before quickly relaxing and opening his mouth to Sam's. This time, the kiss was anything but gentle. Sam couldn't suppress a moan as the grip on his waist tightened and Dean kissed him back hungrily, their tongues battling. He could do this forever, just keep on kissing, ignoring everything going on around them and just _bask_ in the moment, at the fact that they were _actually_ doing this, he can actually _have _this. It feels natural, kissing Dean, giving it all up to him, like they've been doing this for centuries. Their tongues intertwined heavenly and it felt so good, Dean mapping out his mouth, as if to memorize every inch of it.

It was only when the need for air become too urgent that they separated. Sam rested his forehead against Dean's as they laid there panting, breathe mingling. Dean's lips was swollen red, even more pouty than they were before and his eyes were bright, grip on Sam never loosening, but possessive and firm.

" I take it," Dean gasped out, "that's a yes?"

Sam smiled, dimples on full force. He lowered his head to Dean's right ear.

" Yes," he whispered, " Yes to _everything_."

He pulled back to look at Dean and was rewarded with the biggest grin he had ever seen.

"_Awesome_," Dean said before claiming Sam's mouth again.

___________THE END____________________________________________________________________

That was my first attempt at wincest and I hope I do it justice.

Comments and reviews are greatly appreciated. I would love to know what you think of it.

Thanks!!


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